Good day my brothers and sisters. Its a trifle chilly outside. Buster had a good run around on the frosted grass and is now stretched out on the carpet panting. Oops, he just got up and wandered out into the hallway and now he is back and has laid himself beside my chair. Good boy.
So lets now visit the castle again, which our sister Caroline has led us to.
Entry Prayer
I cross the bridge into the silent bliss of my Castle. I close the drawbridge and forbid all outside influences from entry into this holy place that is my soul. Here in my Castle, I am alone with God. Under God`s light and companionship I discover the depth and beauty of my soul. I embrace the power of prayer. I open myself to divine guidance. I surrender myself to become as a channel for grace, healing, and service as God directs my life.
THE THIRD ROOM
Temptations
One of the most well-known prayers in the world is, "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil." Any number of temptations surround you. It would be easier to answer the question, "What isn`t a temptation?" But in this room, you dialogue with your soul on the subject of temptations, which are far more than just a word in a prayer; a temptation is an archetype familiar with to the soul. The soul expects to be tempted literally and symbolically; perhaps in the desert, perhaps in the bar, perhaps in the bedroom. Who knows where your vulnerability is? The truth is-and that`s the point of this quest-do you know where you can be tempted? Do you know your own vulnerabilities? Do we attack people who are different than we are, perhaps too wild or too sensual, because they represent ways we want to be tempted but dare not admit? This is a room for rich inner work and self-reflection.
Soul Work: What tempts you to compromise your soul? What are your temptations? What do you fear you cannot go too near because your soul is not yet strong enough to hold its center? What are the root causes of your temptations? Which ones do you want to keep in your life because they are thrilling even if they are destructive? Which of your temptations cause you to lead a double life? Practise illuminating these demons by journaling or sharing with soul companions. This usually requires the support of soul companions.
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For me, having a brain injury can be a blessing or a curse, depending on my attitude at any particular point in time. Also what about the way I am is just me and what is down to the brain injury. Also what does it matter at times. I do at times tend to analyse what is said quite deeply. Sometimes not too deeply, it may just be for comic effect. For example at a family gathering someone may mention to me that they have a headache and that it is killing them. So I could then raise my voice and sounding worried say quickly `SOMEONE PHONE FOR AN AMBULANCE (their name) IS DYING` `very rarely will anyone but me find this sort of thing funny. Yet there is an important point. We can often mislead others and even ourselves when we use words. I have - and this is more often since my brain injury than pre-brain injury - had people pretend to be friendly when in fact they have unbeknown to me at the time stolen from me. This doesn't make me more suspicious of everyone I meet. Yet of course I do have the insight to know the brain injury does leave me more vulnerable than many without disability, to be conned. Then again this disability gives me poorer than average memory and organisational skills.
The benefits of having this disability far outweigh the negative. It was very humbling for me to have my darling Tracy die and leave me like this. Then of course for the police to charge me with aiding her in suicide and having to endure the trail at the Old Bailey court in London made my life seem like it was from a Kafka novel. Some of the adventures since then, both in the Philippines and here wouldn't have been so hair raising, or indeed wouldn't have even occurred, but for Tracy dying. So no regrets. How can we only regret some things and not it all. I don't regret my later marriage and divorce to the mother of my two sons. Nor her running off to set up home with the young lodger who was renting a room in my house. They deserve each other. Thank God I didn't deserve her. It was so hard at times for me being married to her, that on one occasion I found myself at night swimming out to sea in the Philippines not knowing how far I would go and be unable to swim back. The thought of if my little sons would have a worse life if I kept on swimming and drowned made me decide to turn back and face the music. This reminds me of the poem by Stevie Smith, called Not waving but drowning. I going to go now and look at some more of her poems. If I find another one I like then I may share them both with you anon. You can of course look it up for yourself. I dont mind do though doing it though, as it does of course benefit me to serve others. I was just thinking, that those people who get so angry about something, they want to kill people over it, like so called Christians over Monty Pythons life of Brian, or so called Muslims over Salmon Rusdies book; they need to do a reality check. I am sorry, but your reality check just bounced. Get over it, God is big enough to look after Himself, Herself and us. Actually, I just threw the `Herself` in there to stir things up a bit. In a good way. Although the Hindus have Shiva which is a believe a God or an aspect of God which is female, I did like to think of the Holy Spirit as the feminine aspect of the God of Abraham. That is until today, when I looked at this days reading from the Bible.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God`s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:26-27
So the Father is male the Son(Jesus) is male and it seems so is the Holy Spirit! So now I am not sure if my tongue is in my cheek when I say that the trouble my ex wife had is she thought she was a good Christian and yet was not! If only she had followed the bit in the bible about being submissive to me. I kid you not. It does say, `wives submit to your husbands`. Also though when I go out in public with blinkers on lest I should be compelled to pluck out my eye for offending me.
Is the nonsense people get into at times really just using `God` as an excuse. Imagine two identical twins arguing and even fighting, saying `my dads better than your dad`, `No, you haven't even got a dad and my father is the toughest, fastest, richest dad in the world.
Micheal Morgan, may his soul rest in peace, was a Vietnam vet friend of mine whom I knew when I lived in the Philippines. He told me once that if he didn't know me, then he wouldn't believe all the stories I told him had been from one lifetime and that one, only half way perhaps over. Funny thing was that just a matter of weeks of weeks after he died I fought off an attack by some guys, one armed with a knife, who tried unsuccessfully to kill me. If I hadn't gone to karate lessons whilst married Tracy and living in London, I doubt I would have reacted instinctively and so quickly in blocking the guys thrust and punching him away. Still that is all water down the river now. O no, I got that saying wrong, didn't I! Isn't it water under the bridge. Does it matter? Move on Peter, or you will get stuck in the mud. Some will get it and some wont.
As I attend a church here in Luton now called, All Saints, then that is what I must set my cap at. Trying to be a saint. I don't think its possible to a success as a sinner and on a personal note, I never felt quite right in the past, when doing stuff like hurting people or stealing. It would be great if the two times people attempted to kill me in the Philippines were the only attempts on my life. That could be called even. Yet I cant follow Christ without being aware that their may be more. Of course the good thing was being able to pray to God for the salvation of those who attacked me. Also it brought more sorrow to me for my passed (should me thinks that be, `past`!) misdeeds. Those whom it comes natural to, then I will pray for them and pray for them to repent, but I must keep my distance from them, lest any of us should perish from the encounter!
I have just had a phone call from my mum and that sort of knocked me off my stride. It was good though, as she needs me to be her driver tomorrow and on Wednesday, as well as me driving us both to church for our usual Thursday morning communion service.
Okay I shall round this up with a little bit of lighthearted humour, or the attempt of.
Atheist. The definition of an atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
O yeah I just want to say, nope, I just want to write something I thought of earlier then forgot. When people say like my god is bigger than your god, I want to say half jokingly; ` my God is both smaller and bigger than yours. You without a god and no belief in God are akin to ostriches, hiding your heads in sand to ignore reality. You scientists told me when I went to school that the smallest thing was an atom. Yep it was a long time ago I went to school and no son I didnt sit next to Plato, he was in the year above me. Surely a quark is smaller and hey, what about anti matter. Can there not be an anti Christ! Apparently if I am walking down the road and meet the anti me and we shake hands we will both disappear. That last bit may not be true, I know not. I do know that the Buster would like to go over the park for another run. I cant locate the litter picker device and so will just have to use my hands and give them a good wash on my return. If I return. You will just have to see if there is another blog from me. I may of course just have a gap like a while ago when I went to Sheffield with my sons for a few days. So there may be no blogs for two hundred years and then suddenly another one pops up out of the blue. Im off now for sure, but before Buster gets to go out I shall Google, `out of the blue`.
Cheerio my brothers and sisters. I do hope you realize I mean it when I say, `know you are loved!
ttfn Peter
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